It’s that time of year again. BLACK FRIDAY!!!
The best deals, the best bargains and a bit of panic buying! What’s not to like?
If you can’t give your children material possessions then you can’t give them love FACT.
And Black Friday was invented by the same benevolent people who invent not only the toys, trinkets and trash that you buy but also work so hard on making you want to buy them. You owe it to them to be a good consumer and to allow yourself to be whipped up into a frenzy and go fight over a cut-price flatscreen TV and other imported junk from China.
Go get out there and get competitive! Hey – since the Jeremy Kyle show is off air, this is probably your best chance to become
Black Friday for Loyal Consumers!
Dear Patriotic Consumers.
The Economy needs you!
If you don’t spend money you can’t really afford on things you don’t really need to impress people who don’t really care about you then it might be the end of the world! It’s your patriotic duty to buy, consume and resume (only 25 shopping days til Xmas now – or AMEXmas as it’ll be rebranded.)
Black Friday for good consumers is like a Red Rag to a Bull and the message is simple – BUY, BUY, BUY, it’s all bargains! George Carlin was right when he said it, he just didn’t understand how great the momentary buzz from spending is and how marketers are getting us all addicted to spending.
And since for many of us, we actually trust our brands and companies more than we trust ourselves, others or science and certainly the government. You’d have to agree that the very fact that so much money is spent advertising and marketing Black Friday and the big run up to Christmas means that it’s a good idea. These companies are our friends.
So what do you want (or ads have you seen)? How about a new sofa (order now to have you fat ass sit on it on Xmas day), the latest man toys (be the envy of your kidult friends) or a load of not so good for you , fatty, processed high sugar foods? (delivered straight to your door so that you don’t have to go for a walk to pick them up – gives you more time to enjoy that sofa!)
Black Friday is special, just like Santa – it’s not from here, nobody asked it to come but now that we’re used to it, it would be rude to tell it to f**k off again. And the kid(ult)s love it – because Black Friday brings the promise of
spending saving money on bargains! Even a few of these are cheaper on Black Friday – use the impartial Google to find the best ones!
So have a good time this Friday. Remember that it’s all about you! Make yourself more attractive to humanity and buy the things that make you a better person! Get a credit card to enable you to spend more and don’t worry about the repayments – just stooze when the time is right.